It was the summer of 2011.  Although she couldn’t walk yet, Makenzie was quit mobile on her hands and knees searching for loose object to experiment in her mouth. Heather and I had just gotten into making efforts to fix up my parent’s house while they were away on their mission.  Kierra and Jeremy were running around the yard loving the warm weather and long grass.  It was a perfect day to work and enjoy the outside.

I placed Makenzie in the yard to graze as there was nothing out there that could be to dangerous compared to my work area on the porch.  I then began my strenuous work of sanding and painting a window shutter. Heather was off somewhere getting things ready to start her own project.

While I was working vigorously Heather came out of the house and using her mommy senses to spot two of our kids running around, but she couldn’t see Makenzie.  When she asked me I casually look up to the middle of the yard where I had pitched her to graze.  She was no longer there and so I quickly scan the yard all the way up to the porch where I was working close to the front steps.  I casually point her location out to Hather and I turned to continue on my project.

As I turn back to my project a hair curling, goose bump raising, high pitched scream fill the neighborhood.  The shock turned me to Heather who was muffling her scream with a cupped left  and pointing down at Makenzie with the other.   I quickly shift my gaze expecting to see something abnormal like my daughter morphed into an amoeba only to find Makenzie with a handful of insulation getting ready to put it it back in her mouth.  While this was alarming in itself Heather’s continual cupped hand and faint screams cause me to inspect much closer.  To my surprise I see a tail protruding from the insulation.  My mind quickly put the puzzle pieces together to indicate that it was not insulation, but a dead mouse.

It took me milliseconds to get into striking position.   I don’t know why I cocking my hands back under my armpits indicates my readiness, but it must have triggered a hidden inner ninja slap skill I got in a former life.  My hands, like a venomous cobras ready to strike, are curled up ready to set my daughter free from this germ infested rodent.

Even though nobody to could see my hands move, the momentum and crack that echos through the Teton Valley instantly startled Makenzie.  The lifeless rodent tumbled across the porch making my daughter free again to roam the land.  I turned slowly to Heather bracing myself for the inevitable embrace a true hero should get, but notice she was still cupping her hand over her mouth and pointing.   I then realized that I either found another inner super power of time travel, or Heather was still in shock.

With both my wife and my daughter screaming for totally different reasons I collect the dead mouse and dispose of it into the garbage.  Only to take a second to offer a shudder of disgust in realization of what had just happened.  In this moment of shock I run into the house and get the container of Lysol disinfectant wipes to clean the germs off my daughters hands, face, clothes, tongue, etc.  By this time my Heather had calmed down as much as she possible could in the situation and proceed to think of all the worst case scenarios that could possible happen if one had sucked on a dead mouses head.  I can’t remember everything she had mentioned, but I believe the phrase BLACK PLAGUE was used.

I decide to do the safest thing possible and call our doctor who also happens to be my oldest brother David.  As I rehearse the situation to him I expect him to tell me steps to take in order remedy the situation.  But all I hear back is silence…  all of a sudden the BLACK PLAGUE didn’t seam to farfetched as the pause lingers….

Like counting the seconds between a lightning strike and the thunder I waited for an answer knowing the longer the pause the more life threatening the situation could be.  I couldn’t help but believe David was choosing his words very carefully.

“THAT…” he said slowly.

“IS… ”

“..the grossest thing I have ever heard of.”

His tone got more light and almost laughable by the end of his comment

Through further discussion with my doctor, which is laughable now, we decided to play it safe and took the standard cautionary procedures of watching and waiting to make sure she didn’t get sick or turn into a werewolf.  As the shock wore off and days pass  I discover two things:

1. Makenzie has her father’s third super power; and immune system of a Komodo Dragon.

2. I now have the perfect nickname for Makenzie.  I started calling her Meater from that day on.  This is combining the two words Mouse and Eater (Meater).

Now that time has passed and our little Makenzie didn’t get sick or turn into a ravenous primate; we will stock this story away for a time we need it most.  I can think of one in particular as the first boy suiter comes to call.  I will break out the Meater story sharing as much gory details as I possibly can to scare or gross out said boy.

Because as far as I am concerned, I could care less if all the boys believe that Meater could be carring the BLACK PLAGUE.

– Spencer L. Haacke