I was sitting down with my son to help him work on his homework. We came across an exercise that I remember all to well. 
It was fun to watch him figure out patterns. I then started pondering on how this simple excercis prepares us for or applies to life. Patterns are all around us. Even the day we live in is a pattern. The day starts and the sun rises. We studied the path the sun makes across the sky until it sets in the west. This then results in the end of the day. We often use the pattern of a day to establish our own life patterns. We may call these patterns different things, but they exist and we use them to make sense or our lives. With out these patterns we may start to panic and try to get back to familiar as soon as possible. I will give you three examples.
Organization
Order is a natural element in our lives. If we don’t have some sort of order and organization we tend to be unproductive and scattered. This then creates chaos which results in stress. Here is a quick example. I am currently going through a job interview right now because my contract is up in 6 months. If I pass the interview and get hired I can continue on with “regular life” filled with patterns I have established. Because of the interviews and life is put on hold I have found that our normal day to day routine is disrupted and on hold because of the uncertainty of our next step. We lose some of this order and organization. Because of this certainty and lack of our normal day to day patterns I tend to want to come home and talk about our next steps in life or over analyze the interviews and peoples reactions. This in turn creates additional stress on top of the current disruptions. Additionally this puts in motion a new pattern of not doing things that are normally done in routine like doing the dishes, which in turn replaces a familiar environment in a cluttered environment were order is being taken away. This new unfamiliar pattern then builds up stress because we lack one of the most basic elements of order and organization in our home.
Everyone needs structure and organization in their life. If we constantly had to find new ways of doing things it would be very stressful. It is important to establish patterns in your life so you can have relief from the natural stresses that are there. It is not easy having to go out in the world to battle for good and then come home to an unfamiliar place. When this occurs something simple like not being able to find a pacifier for your crying child becomes a bigger deal. We don’t need more stress in our lives and so I encourage your to establish the pattern of order and organization in you life.
Reactions
– We are naturally experience life and finding how we fit in it. Our personalities and self concept are developed by peoples reactions to us. We can either find security in others reaction to us or we finid motivation to change to gain their approval. Reactions are those little nudges we use as humans to govern our interactions with each other. If I say something off the wall and someone looks at me quizzically, I know that I either didn’t make sense or they did not agree with what I was saying. I then take that bit of information and make or correction or reinforce my current standing. If I say something profound and the other people react/node in agreement it builds confidence in who I am in that role.
Reactions are an important part of who we are and who we want to become. I was told once that I need to watch the things I do. At the time it was advice in dating, but I realized that it was actually advice for my whole life. My reaction or lack of reaction can establish a pattern that communicates things that I don’t want it to. Here is an example. My son Jeremy was working on one of his projects. He had the tape, the glue, the cardboard box, and his scissors. I was watching a basketball game on an i-Pad and working on my own project. In order to fully understand the whole situation we need to understand all the of elements in the equation. We had physical objects such as all of Jeremy’s supplies, my supplies, and the I-pad. We had noise from the ball game. We had space; my space and Jeremy’s space. We then had distractions of which neither of us wanted at the moment, Jeremy’s little sister.
She wanted to do what Jeremy was doing. It looked fun and Jeremy was having a great time. Her way of participating is to just grab things which would result in the breaking of one of our house rules of respecting other peoples things. Which in turn would break another house rule of using our normal voices. The combination of the noise from the ball game, the screaming, the tile floors, and bare walls resulted in a perfect audible annoyance that I would penetrate the core of anyone’s brain in an overbearing way. My first reaction would be stop this disruption immediately. My tendency is to remove the element that caused the disruption but that would result in my daughter being upset and the noise continuing until the other parent gets involved. My second gut reaction is to make Jeremy share. This to would flare into un-happiness as my daughter isn’t old enough to share in a proper manner that would create harmony. The final answer would be to react in a way that all would be happy. I would have to put asside my desires in my project and go and help my daughter on her own project. This is not easy especially when I really wanted to watch the ball game, or when my wife and I are having a great discussion about something.
Reactions can set in motion how my kids feel and how they think I feel about them. It can set patterns of how they will react to each other. It can also set in motion new patterns that will be harder to break as they are able to control their reactions. Ideally consistent positive reactions would turn into habbits, which would then to build character.
As we look at the big picture of how reactions are a way we discover who we are to each other. If we are consistently displaying positive reactions to others around us it will set in motion a pattern. Those that get our positive reactions will build with-in themselves a positive self worth. This can result in confidence and well being and can result in them becoming a good people. The small things truly do become the big.
Habits– Habits are natural tendencies we do in given situations, moments, or life. There are good and there are bad habits. These habbits are life patterns we establish for ourselves that offer us some sort of relief or enjoyment. We often will use peoples natural reactions as a way we judge people around us. “That is just the way they are.” The important thing is to try to establish the good habits in your life. This is easier said than done, but I have found a simple way to do this.
I will display this by giving an example. I wanted to establish a habit of reading my scriptures when I first got up in the morning. This was difficult because I would usually wake up before my alarm clock by something that was on my mind like a lesson plan, or the desire to finish that basketball game I had to stop the night before. My knee jerk reaction would be to go down and do what was on my mind. I am good at getting things done because I do what is on my mind. I learned that from my Mom. My wife taught me that just because it is on my mind doesn’t necessarily mean I have to do it right then. We often think of things we need to do as a sub conscious reminder or things that are important. It is important to get them off our mind, so we can do the thing we would like to do free form any mind distractions. So the key is to get it out of your mind. So here are some tips to ingrain in yourself good habits:
- Clear your mind
- Establish a setting you enjoy
- Allow enough time
1. Clear you mind. Our first inclination is to push things out of out minds but that only packs it in there deeper and creates pressure. We are afraid that we will forget what we needed or wanted to do. This can result in extra stress in fear we will forget. This stress is a natural way you mind works to help us remember it later on. The key is to literally get it out of your mind. You have to extract it by what ever means is best for you. I use a utensil called a pen and scratch paper. My office desk has so much scratch paper to assist in this extraction. If it is on my mind I write it down and put it in a place that can be recalled easily when it is time to worry about those things. Now that you have cleared your mind it is easier to go to your next step.
2. This setting should be something you look forward to because you want to do it everyday. I started this process of consistent reading of the scriptures in the fall as the weather started getting cooler. I would get up and my house would tend to be a little cold. I decided that I wanted to go and jump into a hot tub and relax. This gave me the perfect opportunity to do what I wanted to do, study my scriptures. I really enjoyed this me time in a hot tub with a good book and quiet time. It can be any place that you would like it to be, the only criteria is it is a place that you want to be. The fact that I wanted to get worm was the trigger I needed to go to my place.
3. Allowing enough time is important because you have to get in your REM mode. I don’t know if there is a real term other than sleep, but I think of it as sleep. In order to get the best sleep you need to go through a number of cycles to get the REM (Rapid Eye Movement) cycle of sleep. This is the cycle that you get the most productive sleep. The same thing goes in developing a good habit. You need to allow enough time to hit that REM (Really Enjoy Myself) mode of where you don’t want to stop. What this does is create a desire to do it again the next day.
By implementing these three things it helped me develop the habit of studying my scriptures. This same cycle could be done to establish father son time, family prayer, mowing the lawn, or visiting your parents.
Patterns are around us all the time. Our life is a pattern. As we establish good patterns of organization, reactions, and habits we will find more peace and enjoyment in our lives. I know that life will always throws curve balls, but if you are organized, have positive reactions, and form good habit those curve balls will seem to be coming at you in slow motion.
– Spencer